Noctilucent clouds

At this point of time where the entire university is welling in the misery of having the arts festival cancelled as the consequences of individuals consuming bats across the South China Sea, it isn’t exactly the most appropriate time for me to publish this piece; but as I’ve had the words and sentences forming in my mind since earlier this evening, I want to get along with it and pour this part of my soul out onto words.

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t disappointed when I entered university. I wasn’t exactly amazed with the choices of activities and opportunities there were that allowed me to partake - they were either things that I’ve already been so used to back in high school, or fields in a language I wasn’t confident in. That said, it was totally the product of a lot of coincidences that landed me my part in the lantern festival event - and all of which led to me getting this bunch of friends that make my days better even with just a text or a random sticker being sent to the group.

We were people from different walks of life. We have different circles of friends; and even if some of them do coincide, we most certainly weren’t close. We have our differences; some of us as good orators, some of us gifted with beautiful voices, some of us having chances to explore countries while others sustained - we were different. From different expertise, faculties and yes, age groups (oops). Yet it was an event that gathered all of us into a spot; and it was in it that I found how relationships and friendships last in the quietest way ever possible.

I remember the most heartwarming incident in all the episodes we enacted in the show of our friendship. The others may not see it the way I do; but hell, I was a puddle of fuzzy cotton and warm water when it happened. It was an utterly nonsensical day, where a closer friend of the same group and I posted a silly comment on social media and we asked the rest to promote our comment so that we weren’t left awkwardly hanging. They did just as we told them to. It was a miraculous feeling; having everyone come together just because we were afraid of being awkward. Yet, the fact that they willingly did it.

Oh, I know; you must think that its extremely nonsensical. I would too, but in that moment I realised that there was a different bond being created. It was a bond that had undergone weeks and months of practices, enduring exhausting our mental and emotional health as we dug deep within to help one another grow the character we were. It was a bond I thought should have stopped after my last stint acting in high school, it was the exact same bond with different people of different backgrounds and comings - but oh; they do remind me so much of the times I waited for my scene to be called while making funny faces across the sides of the stage with my peers back in high school.

They were different people. Back in high school, it was (and will always be) an all-girls’ team. It was all about the sass and the drama and the touchy feelings that will leave you tingling to fingers-end once the show is over. Back in high school, it was about solidifying the bond; it was learning how to walk like men, talk like them so that we can reprise the role as an uncle, father, brother - you name it, all the male character ever needed to be played. However, things were different now.

In this team of diverse character, I’ve met the best-est (there’s no such word but I just want to use it this way) friend that I could make in university. Technically speaking, she’s truly a real gem; we didn’t click immediately; it was more of the times waiting for our scene to be called and us crapping away our daily lives by the side that we clicked. It was in those days after the show where we would call each other and check our schedule for a mutual to hang out. She knew all the ups and downs and of my insecurities; and I could memorise her problems and worries by now. Amazing isn’t it?

In this team of varied personalities, I’ve came across brotherly figures who’ve took on the roles of the elder brothers I’ve never had in my life. Well, I’m not sure if this involves having them repeating my embarrassing moments every once in a while - but they sure do that. They can leave lasting warmth by willingly sacrificing certain aspects of their other friendships to help me out in a tight spot, and these supposed brothers (more like uncles, come to think of it) may not say it but deep down there’s a depth in each and every one of them. It may be the willingness to drive me around (and ‘babysit’ me), or perhaps the fond call of a nickname I’m not fond of (of which he has taken a liking in), or even the times he had to withstand my enthusiasm towards my idol.

In this team of elusive structure, I’ve actually met seniors who’ve never stopped reminding me that they’re more of protective elder sisters rather than the seniority they may portray. They constantly console and push me on, showing me a whole load of reasons why they can be more than they seem. It may be the 4am video chats, or perhaps the times I’ve been so lost with all my passionate interests, at times when I needed input and advise on certain ideals that I hold on to, and even when I needed the silent support as I lost myself in character, there will be them, pushing you on even when you least expect them to. I’ve never stopped reminding myself that if it was up to me alone in all those times, I probably wouldn’t have had my personality change as much today.

You’re probably wondering why is it now that I’m penning all these down. At this ungodly 3.30am of 14/3/2020, it’s 3 months past since the show has ended. However much I don’t agree nor allow much enthusiasm on a lot of events in the university, it’s true on one thing; that true friendship often blossoms after all of the programmes have ended. We see each other daily during the event, and we may be placed to work together during all those time in which we may not have liked (no, no, we actors love each other okay) each other. Yet, it is when an event is over and you don’t have  commitments to accomplish together but you are still able to gather together for random hangouts that truly prove how your friendship stand the test of time.

People may question; it’s over and done with, just get over it and stop writing up so much about it. For me, things I’ve loved will never truly be over. Someone once asked me what the event meant to me. It is more than a family. It is an introduction, a foreword, a first chapter of my book of university. It is a spirit I wish to continue, it is a place where I overcome a threshold I never thought I could. It is where I regain the fire for the stage again; reminding me that while my parents may have forbidden my pursuit of performing arts and playwright in the beginning, I can fulfil this dream in a different way.

These people here; they remind me of how much alike we are with the noctilucent clouds in the night sky. Shrouded by the presence of the moon and hidden from plain sight away from the crowd as everyone's attention turn to the stars; but as the weather turn warm, they emerge under the passion of the sun towards the Earth as it continues to illuminate the path from below the horizon; for each and every single one of them has a time to shine in all the stages of our lives.

-x-