The song of spring we sang that year

At 20, Chinese New Year was a break I anticipated. It was the reason I took leave off work without hesitation. It was the reason behind every happy little skips I took towards the bus stop, it was me cashing in money just to get home earlier, it was the reason I woke up at 5 to strip my covers and clean the dorm. It was every reason I had for having a foolish smile on my face, the reason why my eyes shone with the carefree and anticipation I hadn’t experience in a while. It was the comments I received by an astonished bus driver who went, “amoi, ada apa hal nak gembira sangat ni?” when we were the only ones in the bus waiting for it to move. “Takdelah,” I went, “Nanti nak balik rumah dah”

Home.

Long time ago, home hadn’t had such a different feeling as it have today. Back then, it only meant the place where my siblings and I squabbled about who’s doing the dishes today. It was a place filled with laughter, tears, occasional shouts and arguments, and a whole load of grumbling. It was my final destination after a long day at school, it was a place that witnessed my staying up to late night trying to complete my homework (or, a drama series /shrugs/)

Now that I’m out and about, home held a different meaning. It was the place I feel most at eased with myself. It was where I don’t have to smile even when I’m unhappy, it was a place where I can sleep the whole day off with no one to scold me. It was where I wake up to breakfast, to freshly laundered clothes, to the sound of my brother singing Let It Go at the top of his lungs as he showered. It was where I don’t have to pretend, to rush to schedule (no matter how much I enjoy it).

Arriving late night in Melaka after a delayed bus ride, Melaka Sentral was already dim and silence was ensuing. However, I felt fresh and wide awake. It was amazing, how much zest I have in me just to get home earlier. I rushed about as I cleared my thoughts, waiting for my ride to arrive. Yes, home feels just right.

It wasn’t just Melaka, but I felt closer to my hometown. I was born in the neighbouring state, bred there till I could attend school. Johor had a different place in my heart, as the most carefree part of me roamed the unsealed streets when I was a two-year-old toddler. Since when, has it been, that returning to my hometown became a luxury? We used to make frequent weekly travels back when I was younger, leaving on Fridays and returning only on Sunday. Even my place in Melaka is bought due to its strategic location by the boundaries of the two states.

Thereafter, the two-days trip became a weekly day trip, before gradually becoming an occasional trip only when we were available. Life seems to catch up with us and our time as my siblings and I grow older. We tend to be too caught up with our school work and projects that we forget about the elderlies waiting for us back in our home state.

Since then, it has been a vexing ordeal trying to get us together to go home. The festivities became the only reason we have to gather together. With each of us set out on different paths in our lives, there is a rocky path set ahead of us, as we try to stay as close-knit as we are. Trying is tough, and while I try to make it up to them with the worldly goods, I know it’s not sufficient enough.

At 20, I cherish the Chinese New Year celebration more than ever, because this is probably the last before a long hiatus to get our family together again in the years ahead. The wings are tied to soar, and they wouldn’t be held back down, neither does anyone aspire to pull it back. It is only with hopes that while the years ahead may be difficult for the entire family to have the reunion we always do, may the winds unite our thoughts in its song, and sing the scores of spring as the oceans separate us.

-x-