Have empathy

AS a 14-year-old, I was not afraid to express my thoughts and ideas. I was taught that I should never lie or hide things from people I trusted.

I was straightforward and said all the things that came to my mind. But little did I know that I appeared brash, insensitive and temperamental to those around me.

It never occurred to me that expressing myself freely could land me in their bad books. Finally, after slowly distancing themselves from me, they confronted me one day.

“You’re too straightforward.”

“You’re so mean.”

“You don’t mince your words.”

By that time, I knew it was coming, because their actions had implied it.

Every time they sat in secluded corners, and carried out discussions in hushed whispers, I became acutely aware that things weren’t right.

They built walls and left me out, even though I meant no harm by being my straightforward self. That was what pained me the most.

The experience left me with a constant fear of being the subject of gossip. It has stayed on with me till today.

From the moment I was confronted and criticised for my “flaws”, I was no longer in control of my emotions. I bawled without understanding why. I lost my confidence and the smile I had once worn with pride.

The experience left me with scars to heal. My family played an important role in helping me regain my footing.

Having broken down in sobs almost daily, I confessed to my mother the pain I felt going to school, and the sheer fear that I would be judged and commented on.

I asked to be transferred to a new environment, but my supermum was quick to point out that escaping was the worst solution for any situation.

While I lost friends, I found new ones who taught me that it was okay to be straightforward. My new circle of friends showered me with care, for they accepted me for who I was.

They pointed out my flaws without the intention of hurting me, and they pushed me on whenever I felt like quitting. They often let me know that they would always be there to battle my fears and insecurities. (If you’re reading this, thank you, and I love all of you.)

Slowly but surely, I regained my confidence and learnt to check my words before I voiced my thoughts.

I’m still me, straightforward, confident, and sometimes, a bit too honest for my own good, but I know better now.

I know where to place my insecurities, I know to whom I can speak my mind without receiving backlash and I know to control my emotions in public.

To all of you out there, what you may think as harmless gossiping could come off as an indirect form of bullying.

Hence, always, think twice, thrice even, before you speak, act, judge, or even assume. Don’t inflict harm you never want to experience onto others. Have empathy, and more importantly, love yourself.

This article was published in the Newspaper in Education (NIE) pullout by The Star Newspaper dated 4 July 2018